Spamming Fucktards
NO! I do not want an eight foot long penis. I do not want to look at cavorting cheerleaders. I do not want a herbal alternative to viagra, and I most certainly do not want to see “Hot naked barely legal chicks getting off with giant octopus people from the third void of Quarg”.
What is with these people, huh? I mean, they must get a pretty good idea of their target market from the people who subscribe to their magazines or visit their seedy little bookshops, so why spam the whole fucking planet with it? I’m by no means a prude, but it’s a bit bloody annoying when your five year old points at some grotesque image which has popped up on the screen and says “what’s she doing with that thing’s tentacle, dad?”
It’s the cheek of the bastards that gets me: “Hi, Chewbury! Here’s that information you asked for!” No I fucking didn’t! “Re: our conversation” We haven’t bloody well had one and I have proof! Cos if we had, you see, your lungs would be hanging out of the gaping hole I had punched in your chest you spamming BASTARD! Stupid little tricks to try and fool brainless lemmings into reading the mail.
And what about the one that starts “You’ve probably seen this mail before, and ignored it.” Yup, and I’m ignoring this one too. And the ones that faithfully promise that if you reply to this message, your name will not be sold as an extremely valuable verified address with a gullible twat hanging off the back of it but will, in fact, be removed from the mailing list. You wouldn’t believe the number of people I know who regularly reply with unsubscribe messages – JESUS – The guy has just SPAMMED you and you’re replying expecting him to keep his word? Wake up and smell the shut the fuck up! If any of you touches me and I catch stupid, I’ll eat your vocal chords.
Actually – on a lighter note – internet spam has made me appreciate the beauty and integrity of old school paper spam. I have one here, framed, on the wall – spam you can touch – spam that simply promises CA$H MUNNY for doing absolutely nothing at all except being a gullible twat. Good simple british spam. Ahhhhh don’tcha just love it?
Finally, for now, electorial spam. Ah, that was something special. The whole fucking world was encouraged to vote for George “thick as pigshit hey I know lets start a war with iraq so my oil company will be able to extort a shitload more money out of people!” Bush. It had me convinced, too! I was going to vote for him but his name wasn’t on the ballot paper. I couldn’t remember if he was Conservative, Labour, Lib Dem, or SNP. Then it suddenley occurred to me – ah, that’s right, I DON’T FUCKING LIVE IN AMERICA.
BASTARDS!
As a postscript to the above, we all know how it turned out. The thick fuck lost the election but still managed to bully his way into the whitehouse anyway. Ahhhhhh Democracy….. no wonder the Iraqis want it so badly…..oh – hang on a minute……
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