WASP!

One of my children was stung by a wasp at the weekend.

That sentence, on its own, paints quite a vivid picture, doesn’t it? Sort of. You see, the thing is this: a sting exists in nature as a defense mechanism, allowing small delicate insects to defend themselves against much larger predators.

So, how does this explain the wasp? Because, let’s face it, the wasp could never be accused of being the victim could it? In this particular instance, the stripy yellow fuck actually held on with its legs and with its arse going like a fiddler’s elbow, stinging over and over again.

Why is this? Because wasps, my friends, are mutant scumfuck BASTARDS. They are nature’s way of saying “Ah’m pure mental, me”; they are a natural chib. They serve no other purpose but to zip around like evolutionary neds “malkying” anything or anyone that crosses their paths.

Like all other types of ned, the wasp should be sought out and destroyed on sight. We must not shirk from this unpleasant duty, but strive to make the world a better (if slightly wasp-splattered) place for our children.

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